i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
