I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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