I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
