Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
