I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
