oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
