some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
