i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
