On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
