Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The best revenge is premature balding
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
