I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
