JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
