I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
