Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
