no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
