3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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