She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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