I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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