I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
