I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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