You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
