he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
