I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
