so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
