I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
