My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
