Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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