I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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