The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
