Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
