My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
