God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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