how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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