All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
