Duck Duck Cougar?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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