dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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