I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
should my penis look like a turkey
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
