Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just gift wrapped bread.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize