what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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