i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
