Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
