He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
