While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
