Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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