Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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