i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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