If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
