It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
