Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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