watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
