the condom got lost in my hair
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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