He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
