She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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