I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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