Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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