come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
