she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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