Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
