Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
