I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
