quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
