I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
