I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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