Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
