My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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