Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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