Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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