i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
