last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
