she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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