I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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