Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
