just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize