Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
