i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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