We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
