If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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